THINGS DON'T SEEM RIGHT.
This is dedicated to one Mr. Buckley, European History sophomore teacher extraordinaire: an extraordinary man who unbeknownst to me helped me subconsciously cultivates my lust and love for all things history.
Long before he inspired me though, I was a wise fool, just going through the motions, waiting for basketball practice. He then presented me, along with the rest of my cohorts in our 10th grade European History (when he wasn’t throwing garbage cans to a snoozing Jamel Cooke) with a proverb that was attached to Atilla the Hun. Atilla was the leader of a unit of Eurasian nomads, who came to plunder and pillage lands, including the great Eastern Roman Empire. Naturally, what comes with that are many enemies. Eventually to bring him down, his enemies would have to conspire together to bring him down – thus the famous saying, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”
Of course, in a manipulative, 48-Laws-of-Power kind of way, this rings true. But that proverb opened up a vortex of thinking, where I had a different scenario that seems more often recently in my life.
As we get older and become more comfortable with ourselves, we settle in and get in relationships, get married, have kids, find our passions, and pursue our lifelong careers. Within all of that, friends come, and they surely go. I’d like to think of myself as a connector – a person that meets people, and connects them with other people that have similar interests and needs. However, sometimes your friends interests change, and you don’t see them nearly as much as you once did – even worse, you may have had a falling out with someone, but have so many mutual friends things get more tangled in complications.
I’d like to think of it as a twist of the aforementioned proverb, “My friend of my new enemy, is….” – I’M NOT SO SURE WHAT THAT IS.
Never do I preach hate, but we are in a tough and uncomfortable spot. You’ve developed all these friendships, and you put people together because you thought they could get along, only to find out that you don’t get along with someone now. Last year, around this time, a gentleman who we will remain nameless was squared out of my circle, leaving behind my network, or so I thought.
I won’t get into specifics of his actions, but lets just say that there was no point in continuing a relationship, a friendship with him, since there was no value being added in my life, nor his. And so, as I look up his information from Facebook strictly for verification purposes, that we have 56 mutual friends. The choice is yours:
THE WRONG WAY.
Make your mutual friends choose, it’s either me, or if you decide talk to me, French kiss our friendship good bye. That puts your friend in a very peculiar scenario; that friend talks to me because I bring him something to the table. That other friend, that I have dismissed, may bring something to HIS table – is it fair to drop someone just because of my personal gripe? I don’t think so.
THE RIGHT WAY.
When it comes to your mutual friend of an enemy, remain ambivalent. You can tell them why you don’t’ speak to your once-ally, but there’s no need for them to share the same sentiment to you. The choice is theirs. Make them aware of their mishaps or transgressions that you experienced, but let them experience that possibility themselves if they don’t believe you.
A final note – be weary of your enemy using the wrong way tactic to tarnish your name. Stand your ground, stay above the fray, and trust that truth always comes out.
Food For Thought, Ya’ll Do The Dishes,
Ralph “Pino” Fornoles
